Sometimes I have such a hard time seeing past today. This seems to be where I am at as I prepare to embark for Lebanon this Wednesday. Don’t get me wrong; I fall somewhere very high on the scale of excited when I think about going. I am filled with deep anticipation of all those with whom we will interact and of all that we will get to see, hear, do, and experience.
Yet, while bags are packed and last minute tasks are almost done; my thoughts, my body, my spirit, and my anxieties are still very much caught up in the here and now. In fact, over the past week I have struggled deeply with the concept of leaving Waco at all because so many areas of my life are being blown and tossed about right now. Somehow I feel like if I were just to stay I would be able to keep the boat anchored still or at least determine which way it decides to turn.
As I have prayed through this anxiety in leaving, I have been reminded of how quickly I slip out of a position of trust in my Savior and into a place where I am trying to dictate what the fulfilling of His plans should look like. In light of this reminder, my anxiety about leaving has slowly begun to shift for I have begun to realize that leaving during this time of shifting might actually be a mixed blessing. Leaving now forces me out of the position of controlling to one of trusting. When you are thousands of miles removed from a situation it is allot harder to have your hands in the middle of it, so you cannot do much more than entrust it to God. This position of trust is exactly where I want to spend all my time for only when I stand in this place of faith do my plans go from something “seen” to confidence in the “unseen.” Only when I trust does my picture of God grow beyond this small box that I seem to put Him in.
It is my earnest desire that this attitude that treats God as the sovereign being that He is, acknowledging His picture is much larger than ours, will follow with our team to Lebanon. It is so easy, at least for me, to have a limited picture of what God can and will accomplish or to attempt to “help Him along” by keeping our ideas of what accomplishment would mean in mind instead of just letting Him be in control. If instead, as we journey, we acknowledge God’s invitation to us to be a part of the work He is already doing both here and in Lebanon who knows what all might be accomplished beyond us and imagined plans we have made in our months of preparation.
“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21